I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
