News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
