Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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