I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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