I accidentally had phone sex last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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