i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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