Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
