He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
