i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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