Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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