were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
