I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
