I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how can u be prego again
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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