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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
