I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
