Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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