Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
