Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
