saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
