No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
