she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
