Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
