Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
