I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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