A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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