Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
