So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
