On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
