I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
