do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
