Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
