Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
