sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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