Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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