the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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