so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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