i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
