is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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