I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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