Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize