Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had to cum in my sink.
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