So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
