Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, he came in my armpit
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
