im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Michael Bay diarrhea
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
