How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
