loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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