I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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