Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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