Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to fling myself into the sun
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
