I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
