I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
