K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So vagazzling was a success
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
