Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Found the puke drawer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
