Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
