I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
