would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize