I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
