I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
