Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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