Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
