you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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