Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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