I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
