I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
