Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
