i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
