then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
