Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
