The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
