went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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