Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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