Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
