3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
