I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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