I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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