It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
