It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.