I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on