My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
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legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested