1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse