Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So squirting runs in the family.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.