So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...