a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
