the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
