She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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