Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
