Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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