I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize