I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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