Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
