i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
