You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
