I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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