Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
