Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
