my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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