when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
