He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
